Relationship counselling

For most of our lives and the majority of each day, we are all 'in relationship' with each other. This begins from the moment we are born when we become part of a family. As we grow up our relationship network may expand to include siblings, school friends, college friends, work colleagues, a wife, a husband, a partner, in-laws children and pets. On some level, all these relationships have the potential to affect how we feel and behave ''in relation' to others. Good relationships are enjoyable and help foster self-worth. Being nurtured, loved and supported in our personal lives encourages us to grow and develop into a fully actualised person. Feeling respected and valued at work helps us to progress and fulfil our true potential.

Difficult relationships, on the other hand, can undermine us and contribute to a loss of self-esteem. When a relationship is challenging or painful, we can find ourselves behaving differently and in a way that feels 'alien' to us. It can stir up negative feelings - upset, anger, hopelessness, worthlessness and our behaviour often reflects this, leaving us feeling 'out of control'. This can be incredibly scary.

We learn about relationships by observation and experience so it follows that past relationships, particularly those with our parents, can have a profound influence on current relationships. For example, watching parents fighting, communicating badly or not at all can affect a person's ability to manage conflict in their own life. An argument with a partner may arouse feelings of fear, helplessness or desperation.

This is when talking to a counsellor, could help you connect with your feelings more fully enabling you to identify the source. Becoming more aware of what is happening to you, will allow you to feel more 'in control' and more able to make choices about how you deal with things. There are many more ways in which clients can benefit from bringing relationship issues to counselling. Here are just a few examples :

• Facing a dilemma about whether or not to leave a relationship
• Finding the balance between meeting your own needs and meeting the needs of others
• Learning to deal with loss and how to heal a broken relationship
• Loneliness
• Not having the confidence to meet new people or develop intimate relationships
• Feeling jealous, betrayed, angry or guilty.

The counselling relationship itself can transform the way you feel about relationships because of the qualities inherent in it. I aim to offer a relationship based on genuineness, empathy and respect where you can express yourself without fear of judgement, knowing that someone is truly listening and understanding. It can often be helpful to focus on what is happening between us as a means of exploring how you relate to other people. It also provides a safe place to try out new ways of relating.